התמרה היא המפתח לחיים חיים

Today, a thought crossed my inner screen: if I died today, I would want to be remembered as a woman who turned her challenging life into a living life solely through transformation. Not a day goes by that I do not engage in the work of transformation.

Every day there is something, small or large, where I feel anger, sadness, pain, depression, or meaninglessness in my body. Naturally, I also experience the spectrum of positive emotions, but they are easier to contain, and decades of Vipassana practice = transformation, do their part. When these moments disappear, I am fine.

The more challenging ones to contain are the intense emotions that attack me, for example, when I discovered a few days ago that I received a 750 ILS speeding ticket. Each and every one of us carries a few flags that help us expand our vessel and bring more and more light into it. Right? One of my flags is money. The breeding ground I chose to arrive at by the end of my mother’s third month of pregnancy was about survival, and money didn't grow on trees. The atmosphere at home was driven by lack. The filters through which my mother saw reality showed her how much was missing. How much was a "no". How much was lacking. How much more and more and more and more and more was needed. Nothing was satisfying.

And now that I am already grown - turning 70 next month - I increasingly recognize how to grow from this lack and turn it into life-elevating energy. As if I have another option :) It is clear to me that I cannot continue to blame. The moment I blame, I magnetize myself to the spiritual body of the creature I am blaming, step out of my center, and enter a state of being lost at the creature's mercy. The fact that my mother did what she could to raise me the way she knew how doesn't always sweeten the pill, but it is a fact. And so, time and again, once, twice, or three times a day, moments await me that carry frequency-based triggers, bringing out dense negative emotions. The only way to get rid of them is through my total presence with them, without slipping into any distraction to sweeten the pill.

750 ILS, for driving 117 km/h. A juicy curse came out of me in a silent roar that no one heard. Bad enough that I don't earn money from the viral viewing party of the voice paintings I paint and post on Instagram, the State is always in a state of robbery. That's how it starts, and pretty quickly I, who I really am, enter the picture. Looking at the furious one and smiling with tenderness. "Can you change the state?" a question. "No," I answered with a familiar bow of my head. This dissonance drives me crazy every time anew, but I have a clear and distinct knowledge that the only way to stay sane is through transformation. That is, to breathe, enter the eye of the storm, and be with it until the peak arrives and the form changes. Otherwise, it will only get worse, and I will become more and more irritable and blaming, and thus attract information that amplifies the scene, creating the feeling I know so well - that I don't have enough. And everything is expensive, and what a rip-off, and other even juicier things that the page cannot bear.

When we all transform, then we will truly be as one body and will be able to dictate our own lives by consent.